Connection is a two-way street. On Bumble, both people have to swipe right on each other’s profiles to get a match, just as both people have to participate in a conversation to solidify their match before it expires. That’s why it’s important to be thoughtful about how you engage in a chat with a Bumble match. Whether you’re a dater who can make the first move, or the person waiting to receive a first message, you want whatever words you offer up to encourage a back-and-forth with the other person.
If you’re feeling nervous about how to break the ice, unsure about how to respond to a first message, or just wondering how to keep the conversation going, we’ve got you covered. Here’s what you need to know about getting a match to respond to you on Bumble.
Use specific talking points
On Bumble, it’s best to personalize your messages. Use specific talking points about something you already know interests your match—and that you find interesting too—to find some common ground. A match’s profile is the best place to start. Take another look at their photos, interests, bio, and answers to Bumble Profile Prompts, then single in on a topic that also appeals to you. If you’re an animal lover and they included a photo with a dog, compliment their furry companion and ask about the last adventure they had together. Or, keep it light by picking something from their profile and turning it into a “would you rather?” scenario. For example, if they list travel as an interest, ask whether they’d rather take a beach vacay or hike a mountain, and why? By speaking directly to a match, you’re making them feel seen and, therefore, more likely to engage with you.
Ask open-ended questions
If you want to get a response from a Bumble match, you’ve got to give them something to respond to—and asking open-ended questions is a great way to encourage that engagement. Not only does it allow your match the space to share more details about themselves, their answers offer you valuable insight into what they’re all about, and provide inspiration for how to direct the conversation next. If you ask a match if they’re looking forward to the weekend, they can answer with a simple yes or no and potentially end the conversation. But if you ask them how they like to spend their Saturdays, it provides the space for them to reveal information about their hobbies and social preferences, and provides a natural segue into other topics to talk about.
Put yourself in their shoes
It can be tricky to start a conversation with a new person when you don’t know their comfort levels and boundaries. Maybe your instinct is to jump straight to making plans, but they aren’t comfortable meeting in person until they’ve chatted with a match and started getting to know them. Or, you want to ask about their family or job, but that feels too personal to them. Everyone has different boundaries and comfort levels, and it’s important to be aware of that when meeting new people online. Before you send that message, take a second to consider whether the topic is something that would feel intrusive to you coming from a stranger. If it does, keep brainstorming until you come up with a more neutral topic to break the ice.
Keep an open mind
Once you reach out to a Bumble match, the hope is that they’ll respond quickly and the conversation will evolve effortlessly from there. So it can be frustrating when several hours have passed and…crickets. It’s important in those moments to keep an open mind. There are a number of possibilities for their lack of response: a busy week at work, feeling unsure about how to answer your previous message, even a misplaced phone. You shouldn’t get discouraged. If it’s the first message and there’s a 24-hour clock ticking before the match expires, you can always use Bumble’s Extend feature to let your match know you’re still waiting to hear from them and give them an additional 24 hours to get in touch. Or, consider reaching out again. Which brings us to the next point…
Don’t be shy about double-texting
A lot of us are wary of double-texting. When you reach out to someone and they don’t respond, it can feel like a swing and a miss. It can ding our confidence and make us hesitate to reach out again. But if a match hasn’t responded to your last message and you’re still interested in keeping the conversation going, don’t be afraid to follow up. Say something that acknowledges they may be busy, and opens the door for them to get back to you when they can, such as: “It’s been a crazy week for me. What have you been up to?” Or change the topic altogether and see if that gets the conversation going. Of course, remember to be respectful; sending many messages without a response can make your match feel uncomfortable, so if they don’t reply to your follow-up message, consider moving on.
Above all, remember to be kind! When you lead with kindness, even if your connection doesn’t work out, you’ll still have a fun, positive conversation and dating experience.
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