By Morgan Mandriota
Have you ever matched with someone on Bumble, talked for a while, and then…just didn’t return to the conversation? Or maybe it’s the other way around, and you’ve been left “on read” for a while. It happens! A chat can go silent for a million reasons—work stress, forgetting to check the app, COVID dating fatigue, or simply a loss of interest. But it’s possible to pick things up again if you want to. Here’s everything you need to know about jump-starting a conversation with a Bumble match when the chat has gone quiet.
What to Consider Before Reaching Out
You can send a message to a match no matter how long ago a chat went silent, whether it’s been two weeks or two months. But before you re-engage, it’s worth reflecting on what happened that caused the conversation to lull.
If the other person faded and you’re still interested, re-open the conversation. However, dating coach Ariella Serur warns to respect the vibe you’re getting from them once you restart the chat. “If it seems like someone’s not interested, they probably aren’t,” she says. If you stopped responding, Serur recommends asking yourself the following questions: Is that a pattern for you? Were you feeling overwhelmed? Was it just not flowing with this particular person? If you’re just going to drop the conversation again after picking it back up, then maybe don’t reach out at all.
Keep Things Light
If your match was the one to drop the ball, don’t be accusatory. Avoid saying things like, “Why didn’t you answer me?” Take a more casual approach, and see this as an opportunity for a friendly check-in without expectations of getting a response. Also, consider messaging just once—and after you send your message, give it some time. Relationship coach Nicole Elam suggests waiting a week for the person to reply. “If they don’t respond in your timeframe, allow yourself to move on.”
Be Confident Making Your Move
Taking initiative is empowering, so be bold and shoot your shot without shame. “Why wouldn’t you make the first move?” asks Serur. If they’re open to reconnecting, that’s great. If not, trust that there’s someone else out there better suited for you and don’t take it personally. Some folks are busy or flaky, and others are having a rough time navigating their physical or mental health during the pandemic, all of which are common reasons to forget to respond to a match.
Let Go of Expectations
“If you’re going to re-engage a match that fizzled out, do it for you,” says Elsa Moreck, founder of coaching service The School Of Modern Dating. “If nothing else, you’ll be where you are now, but if you don’t take a chance, then you’re rejecting yourself before they have a chance to.” Don’t worry about how things ‘should’ play out. Instead, focus on going with the flow and seeing what happens. “The worst that could happen is that they don’t respond,” Elam says. “The best thing that could happen is that you actually hit it off.”
What to Say to Get the Chat Going Again
Now that you’re ready to reach out again, here are a few ideas for your opening—well, re-opening—line:
If you didn’t respond:
- Hey! So sorry to go off the grid there for a bit, but I still think you’re [cute/cool/interesting]. What’s new?
- Ahhh, I just realized that I never replied. ? Give me another shot?
- Sorry for falling off the face of the earth there for a minute, but I finally found a ladder, so here I am. ?
- I need to make sure it was a good idea to reach back out. Answer this for me: curly fries or steak fries?
- Hey, I’d love to reconnect and chat again if you’re still interested. Let me know!
If they didn’t respond:
- This is proof that I’m patient. But also persistent. ? Wanna give this another go?
- Hey, I know our convo dropped but I wanted to reach out again because I know life happens! How’s it going?
- Hey [name], thought I’d give this another shot just because life hasn’t been exactly normal lately. What’ve you been up to?
- Hey [name], totally understand if you’re not interested but wanted to message you one more time just in case life got in the way. ?
If either of you didn’t respond:
- Hey [name], how’s it going? It’s been a while but I still think you seem pretty cool.
- Hey [name], I know it’s been a while, but if you’re still looking so am I. ?
- Heya! Sorry we lost touch! Wanna skip the small talk and just hop on a video call sometime?
- Unexpectedly thought about our convo today and wanted to see what you’re up to these days! How’s life?
With writing by Kasey Brown.