By Callie Beusman
Once you’ve matched with someone on Bumble and feel like you’ve formed a good rapport, the obvious next step is to meet for a date. But asking someone out can be nerve-wracking, especially if you overthink it. The best way to go about it is to be simple, straightforward, and bold — just show that you’re interested, and see if they are, too. If you’re looking for guidance on how to ask someone out, we’ve got tips and advice below!
Be specific when asking someone out
If you genuinely want to get to know someone in person, don’t be afraid to be confident in your approach. Present them with a concrete plan: Rather than saying something vague like, “We should hang out sometime” or “Want to grab drinks?” it’s better to name a specific time and a place, or at least a clear idea of where you’d want to go. Doing so will show that you’re serious, and allow you to gauge your match’s interest or openness level, says clinical sexologist and psychotherapist Dr. Kristie Overstreet. She suggests asking someone out with something simple and to-the-point, like: “I’ve been wanting to check out (restaurant/bar/place/activity/thing to do). Would you be interested in going with me?”
Consider using talking points from your conversation to ask them out
It’s a great idea to tailor the date to your shared interests, or whatever you know about your match so far. Look to your conversation or their profile for inspiration. For instance, if you were bonding over your love of music, you could ask them to a concert or a DJ set; if you’re both into the outdoors, maybe suggest a hike. If their profile says they like Boba tea, ask them if they want to meet you at your favorite spot. This approach will likely make the conversation feel smoother, as it’s easy to pivot from discussing your interests to coming up with a plan around them. You can phrase it as: “So you mentioned you like this. Would you be interested in going together this week?”
But don’t worry if you’d rather keep it simple
Of course, you don’t have to come up with a stunningly inventive plan — it’s a first date, so what’s most important is getting to know each other and showing off your personality. If you’d prefer to just get coffee or tacos, that’s totally fine, too. All that matters is that you suggest something concrete. Don’t be shy suggesting a time or place!
Consider starting with a video call
If you find it a bit daunting to ask someone out out of the blue, try easing into dating with a video call. Bumble’s Video Chat and Voice Call features are a super convenient way to do this — you don’t even have to share phone numbers to use it. Video calls are particularly great, says Bela Gandhi, a dating and relationship expert and the founder of Smart Dating Academy. This is because they help you make sure that the person “is what you expect in 3D,” and allow you to see if there’s good chemistry and an easy connection. She recommends saying something breezy like, “It would be great to put a face to a name — want to video chat sometime this week?”
The call can be super short (Gandhi says no more than 30 minutes is fine), and you can plan your date during it. It might come up naturally during the conversation — maybe they mention an exhibit you want to see, or they work right by your favorite bar. Or you could casually suggest a date right before hanging up, saying something like, “I had a really good time talking to you. Maybe we could do it in person next time?”
It’s totally fine to move quickly, if that feels right
Whatever feels natural will feel natural — you might start by chatting back and forth over the course of a week, or maybe you’ll want to meet in person after sharing two or three messages and a quick video call. Don’t feel like you need to wait a certain amount of time to ask someone out; letting your conversation drag on too long might kill the momentum.
According to Megan Weks, a dating coach and the founder of the Manfunnel Method, as a general rule, it’s good to “move things onto a call, video date, or an in-person date as soon as you notice there’s a warm conversation going.” It’s better to find out sooner rather than later if your match doesn’t actually want to meet up; if you feel like there’s genuine enthusiasm coming from both of you, just go for it and see what happens! Good luck!