By Jennifer Barton
So, your first date with your Bumble match went well, and you’re pretty sure that jolt of excitement you felt wasn’t just from the zesty queso dip. Now you’re probably thinking about the second date—where to go, what to do, and how to ask them out again. In some ways, figuring out how to ask for a second date can feel more intimidating than asking the first time around, so read on for expert tips and advice.
First, figure out how you felt about the date
Before you ask someone out for a second date, you probably want to reflect on how the first one went. Ask yourself what you enjoyed, what worked well, and whether your date had as good a time as you did. You might realize that you don’t actually want to see them again! But if you do, you might want to reach out and let your date know that you enjoyed your time together and gauge how they felt about it. This can help establish whether or not it’s worth following up by asking for a second date. If you’re not sure how you felt about the date, take a night to sleep on it.
Go with a timeline that feels right to you
Throw out any preconceived “dating rules” you may have heard, like trying to seem as though you’re not into someone if you are, or waiting to ask someone out again. If you want to ask someone out on a second date, you don’t need to wait a week, a few days, or even an hour. Amy Nobile, dating coach and founder of Love, Amy, urges people not to worry about following up “too soon” after a date—there’s no such thing. “If you’ve had a great date and you want to go out again, then it would be appropriate, even if it’s five minutes after you part ways, to send a text. If you don’t do that, then certainly don’t wait a whole day or two or three.” She recommends asking them out “as soon as possible” afterwards.
In fact, if you’re hitting it off with your Bumble date, Nobile says you can ask for a second date while you’re on the first date. She advises saying something like: “‘Listen, I don’t actually know how you feel right now. I would absolutely love to see you again. Can I ask you out on a second date now?’” Not only can this tactic secure your second date, it can also eliminate the guessing game of “will they, won’t they,” after a first date by helping both people know where they stand.
On the flip side, if you don’t reach out to someone within four or five days, or if you don’t hear from them in four or five days, “you probably won’t,” says Nobile. She explains that we need to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. There’s a risk that comes with waiting to get back in touch with someone, as the connection and momentum that you built on your first date might fizzle out.
Keep it simple when asking them out again
It can be tempting to overanalyze things when asking someone out, but keeping it simple and direct is always a good bet. According to Dr. Jordan Rullo, psychologist and sex therapist, clearly expressing your feelings and what you want is the healthiest way to communicate. She suggests saying something straightforward like, “I really had fun on our date and I’d like to see you again.”
If you want to personalize the approach, Nobile recommends asking your date out in a way that shows you’ve been paying attention. Maybe you include an inside joke, or mention a common interest. For example, if you both like video games, you can say something like: “I’d love to take you to dinner and an arcade afterwards. I want to see those skills!”
There’s no right or wrong way to get in touch with someone to let them know you had a great time and to ask them out on a second date, explains Sharnade George, psychotherapist and founder of Cultureminds Therapy. She recommends doing it however you “feel comfortable, without putting pressure on yourself.” You might send a text saying something like, “Hey, it was really nice hanging out with you. I’d love to see you again if you’re interested.” Similarly, you could give them a call, showing an interest in them and feeling out how they felt about your date before asking them out again.
If you’re anxious, try reframing your feelings
If you’re feeling anxious about following up, think about what you’re really worried about, suggests Dr. Rullo. “More than likely your confidence is low because you’re imagining the worst-case scenario,” she says. “Instead, consider the most realistic scenario as the most likely scenario. This mental reframe can help boost your confidence because it’s based much more on reality than on catastrophe.”
According to George, allowing yourself some time to reflect on and envision how you’d like the asking-out process to go (as well as imagining what your subsequent second date might be like) is another way to ease any anxiety. “When you already have a positive idea of how you’d like the situation to go, it gives you a confidence boost,” she says.
Come up with a proactive idea for the second date
When it comes to asking someone out on a second date, it can help to have a sense of what you’d like to do together. This can help not only in terms of building your confidence, but also in finding an activity or venue you’ll both enjoy. Go for something fun, lighthearted, and interactive, like bowling or pottery class, so you can showcase your personality and learn more about your date. Once you’ve organized the date, check out our second date tips here for more expert advice.
Regardless of who’s doing the asking, if your first date went well, you want to put yourself in the best possible position to get a second date with your Bumble match by being open, honest, and direct. And if the answer is “no,” don’t sweat it. Rejection is as much a part of the process as success, and will only help you get that much closer to finding a relationship that’s right for you.