By Milan Polk
You’ve found someone who interests you on Bumble, you matched, and you’re on a date. Now what? Well, it might be time to try and see if you two are compatible.
The key to this is to ask positive, open-ended questions which will help you see if you want to take that next step. And that applies whether the next step means setting up a second video date or — if you’ve already been seeing your Bumble match — making a commitment. Experts suggest asking your Bumble match these 10 unexpected first date questions to gauge compatibility:
How do you spend your Saturdays?
You’ll probably spend lots of your free time with whoever you date, so asking what their weekends look like is a great way to figure out if you’ll get along. “It will give you an indication of what their leisure time is like, what they do for fun, and how they choose to relax,” says Dr. Michelle Drouin, relationship and technology researcher.
How would your friends describe you?
Sure, someone might have already described themselves in their profile, but asking this question will likely give you a more objective sense of their best traits. Dr. Alexandra Solomon, psychologist and professor at Northwestern University, says that their response could also clue you in to how they show up for their loved ones.
What’s an ambition or dream you have?
“Having a sense of supporting each other’s life dreams and ambitions and having a sense of shared meaning is important in couples,” explains Stacy Hubbard, therapist at the Gottman Institute. If their dream isn’t something you want to support, they may not be the person for you.
What were the highs and lows of the last year for you?
The answers don’t have to get too deep—especially because 2020 was such a tough year. Something as simple as learning how to do a cartwheel could be a positive. You can use these highlights to compare them to your own and see if what you value aligns with your match.
What adventures would you like to have in your lifetime?
It may not be a total dealbreaker, but you’ll want to know if your match is a thrill seeker who yearns to bungee jump if you’re terrified of heights. “If someone’s super adventurous and wants to climb Everest, you don’t have to do that, but can you support that?” asks Hubbard. Plus, matches with similar interests could devise a fun date idea from this question.
Where do you see your life going?
Whether you prefer someone who goes with the flow or has a detailed plan of their yearly goals, it’s valuable to see if you two have similar ideas of where you want your lives to go. “People live their lives in really different ways,” Drouin says. “The way you want to live your life could be completely incompatible with the way I want to live mine.”
What’s your relationship like with your parents?
This question may be off-putting for some, but if you and your match are comfortable having deep conversations in the early dating stages, their response could tell you a lot about their family dynamics. You can then use that intel to figure out if your values regarding family are compatible.
How do you practice self-care?
This is a good question to ask your Bumble match because if you devote time to your own mental wellness, you’ll want a match who supports self-care in whatever form it takes. Solomon agrees. “I think for somebody who is really introspective and who loves journaling and values the role of therapy in their lives, it can feel pretty lonely to have someone who holds [these things] in contempt,” she says.
What’s your favorite memory?
Not only is this question a way to start a deeper conversation, it’ll give you insight into what a match finds most important and perhaps a peek into their childhood or adolescence that they wouldn’t otherwise think to bring up. “It gives you a sense of what they cherish in their lives,” Drouin says.
If you could live in any other country but your home country, which would you pick and why?
This question can determine whether you’re seeking similar lifestyles, as well as revealing more about your match’s background. “Sometimes people have stories about their own ancestry or places they’ve been and want to return to,” Hubbard says. “And if they say, ‘I’d never want to live anywhere else,’ then you know a little bit more about them too.”
And hey, even if asking some of these questions makes you realize that you’re not compatible with your match, hopefully you’ll still have a good conversation and end up one step closer to finding what you’re looking for on Bumble.
Check out Bumble’s Dating 101 in 2021 guide for more tips on having a great date with your match, making your profile stand out, and the latest dating trends.