An Open Letter to Dylan: ‘Boys Will Be Boys’? Not on Bumble.

Dear Dylan,

One of our brave users made us aware of a conversation you had on Bumble. She had the courage to post the repulsive “chat” online to protect other users from potentially engaging with you. We can’t imagine how she felt as the target of your hateful, body-shaming, racist, classist, misogynistic, toxic, violent, abusive messages, all too vulgar to share here.

In your rant, you described yourself as a “#1” athlete, bragging about your college swimming and diving statistics, as well as your net worth. You somehow felt entitled to call yourself a “god.” Well, you’re certainly a chart-topper, other-worldly even, when it comes to spouting verbally abusive language.

You tried to blame your friends for the messages, claiming that they drunkenly took your phone, because “boys will be boys.” “You know how it is,” you wrote. Well, Dylan, we know how it was.

In years past, this type of “locker room talk” was laughed off as bro code. But maybe your head’s been underwater for too long, because the tide has turned. The days of money, status, fame, pedigree, athletic ability, or even the boys’ club protecting you from bad behavior are over. Progress demands accountability. You may have noticed that women (and allies!) all over the world are calling time on abuse. A new team’s forming, and your behavior is far from MVP.

What we found particularly alarming is that one of your profile photos showed you standing in front of a sign that reads “Champions of Equality.” You’ve shown you’re anything but. You see, equality means rallying together to create a kinder, more inclusive world. You’ve given us a harsh reminder that we still have a lot of work to do, but it’s on all of us to turn society around — including you.

You also failed to recognize that you represent an organization larger than yourself: your university’s swim and dive team. In yet another act of courage, the user you repeatedly insulted took initiative and emailed your coach to tell him what you’d done. We called the coach to follow up, and he confirmed this incident is under investigation with the college’s Title IX Office of Equality and Diversity.

While your school conducts its investigation, consider ours complete. You’re blocked, banned, and will never be welcome on our platform again. We don’t tolerate abuse or disrespect of any kind.

If you actually want to become a champion of equality, we’re happy to connect you (and your friends) with our friends at the Anti-Defamation League or Human Rights Campaign, who fight against bigoted hate speech every day. They have offices right down the road from your campus. This won’t help you get back on our platform, but it may help you swim from the shallow end to the deep end, where society is progressing without you.

Never yours,


NOTE: Bumble was alerted to abuse and sent screenshots of said abuse by one of our users, who posted the shots to social media. Bumble did not violate user privacy and has taken blocking steps in congruence with Bumble Terms of Service.